


An Unexpected Lesson or Hobbit mouths can be surprising

by JorrunFulhelm



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Explicit Language, Gen, M/M, Sassy Hobbits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-29
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-10 11:45:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1159323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JorrunFulhelm/pseuds/JorrunFulhelm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Right after they leave the Shire, Thorin and Company find out that Hobbits have unruly mouths.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

An Unexpected Lesson

The warm summer sun filtered down through the leaves casting spotted shadows over a small convoy of dwarves, a hobbit, and a wizard. The road twisted down a hill side as they plodded along their ponies following one another on instinct. Bilbo Baggins, one of the most respectable hobbits of the Shire, sat precariously upon his charge. He fussed with is waistcoat buttons in an attempt to distract himself from the nervousness that rumbled deep in his tummy, and when that failed his sighed audibly. 

The closest dwarf to him turned round, practically backwards if you asked Bilbo, to cast a wary eye on him. It had only been a day and a bit since Bilbo had run out of his newly painted door and into the great, wild world of adventure and yet he already missed his home. He missed his books, his jam that he knew would be soured by the time he returned (if he returned at all), and he missed his chair. If you had asked Bilbo if would ever have gone on this adventure before he had actually committed to it, he would have laughed you off with a wave and a polite ‘good morning’. Now, as he sat on his pony, who thankfully could guide herself in a straight line with the others, he contemplated the Company and began cataloguing his knowledge of Dwarves so far. ‘Let’s see.’ He said to himself, ‘loud, raucous, skilled in metal and woodworking, proud, homeless’. That one stopped his train of thought. He would have gone on to list some rather unsavory other traits he harbored about these strange fellows but alas his kind nature had gotten the better of him. ‘Not their fault really, raised on the road, no permanent place to call home, sad indeed’ He mused. He lost that particular train of thought when Myrtle stopped her easy trod along the path. He looked up only to see that dusk was settling in and they were going to stop for the night. Bilbo had been so lost in his own thoughts and musings that the rest of the day had escaped him. 

The Company pulled their ponies off the trail and down a short way to a small cluster of what looked like Ash trees. They formed a tight circle at the edge of a wooded area and it seemed a natural spot to make a camp. Still Thorin sent out the two young brothers, Fili and Kili to scout the area first. Bilbo liked the two younger members of their company. While brash and sometimes clumsy they were impressive in their skills and Bilbo suspected they held some weight amongst their people. Fili it seemed in Bilbo’s mind always kept an eye on their leader and tried to model himself into a likeness of the ‘Kindomless King’. 

The others began to make camp setting out their bedrolls here and there. Others helped set up the cooking equipment and that had the hobbit’s stomach gurgling with excitement. Fili and Kili burst through the trees with twin looks of success.

“Thorin!” Fili called. “Everything looks clear; there is a small stream down the hill. We can water the ponies after we eat.”

“Maybe even catch some fish tomorrow before we leave!” Kili interjected. Bilbo smiled; yes he definitely liked their youthful nature and their willingness to help in any way. Bilbo jumped slightly when a large rough hand landed on his shoulder.

“Come now, Burglar. Let’s find some firewood eh?” Bofur said with a smile. Bilbo liked him as well; he was easy to talk to and seemed less suspicious of him than some of the others. 

“Of course!” Bilbo smiled in reply. They set off through the nearest trees and began picking up small twigs and branches to throw on the fire all the while chatting easily about the nice weather in this part of the world is. They chewed back and forth about what kind of branches burn best and what wood makes for the best smoked meats. When they both had armfuls of wood they trudged back to camp. Bilbo went a bit slower, not used to carrying so many at one time. Bofur set his pile down neatly close to the fire where Bombur sat slicing potatoes for the stew. After depositing his pile Bofur began stacking the wood under a large iron pot whose bottom was blackened with age and use. Bilbo tried to be careful as he wound his way in and out of dwarves who darted this way and that. They were all used to one another and could easily dodge each other, as shown by their treatment of Bilbo’s china in Bag End. Poor Bilbo however was unaccustomed to such erratic movements and so he dropped most of his pile of wood in the middle of their camp. One rather thick piece of Birch landed squarely on the hobbit’s little toe.

“Goddammit!” He cried loudly, stopping the entire company dead in their tracks. Now frustrated and his little toe throbbing Bilbo released his frustration in a flurry of curses. “Mother-fucking piece of shit! Son of a bitch”, he continued picking up the offending piece of wood and chucking as hard as he could, “Burn in hell you useless devil branch!” He huffed a bit out a breath from his short tirade and leaned down to first rub the offended toe and then begin gathering up his poor pile of wood. He stopped however when a deafening silence met his ears instead of the jovial musings of thirteen dwarves. Looking up he saw that all eyes were trained on him, and he sheepishly grinned back. ‘Maybe that was a bit much, but it hurt!’ He thought to himself. Gandalf who had watched the whole spectacle from behind his grey brimmed hat smiled at the dwarves who seemed too shocked to do anything.

The wizard cleared his throat and proclaimed loudly, “Hobbits, you will find. Have short tempers and long mouths.” He laughed again around a smoke ring, “They often show their displeasure with strongly worded statements, and find it soothing to release their frustrations vocally.” The Company still stared silently at their Burglar who was now adding his wood to the small pile Bofur had made. Bilbo was red from his ears to his neck and did not dare to look up except to mumble a small apology and say that he would fetch more fire wood. As he left the small clearing he heard the now familiar rumble of Kuzdul at his back.

‘Little burglar has a temper!’ someone shouted. Agreements to that statement were short to follow.

‘Never knew someone so small to get so angry!’ Resounded another. Laughter erupted in the clearing and everyone settled back in to their routines of preparing dinner. When Bilbo came back to the fire he was more careful about carrying his bounty of twigs and branches. They ate dinner that night sharing stories, swapping songs, and occasionally Bilbo would speak about either the Shire or Hobbits in general. Only one did not join in their revelry, and the cold as ice eyes followed Bilbo all night. Only Thorin Oakenshield sat in reserve, quietly assessing and re-assessing their newest member. Perhaps he had been a tad hasty in his labeling the hobbit as expendable and weak.

Perhaps. If a small smile played on the King’s lips no one else saw it. It would take a knowing mind and a keen eye to spot the small curve and the mirth in those azure eyes, and Gandalf chuckled to himself. A small wave vindication of his choice washed over the wizard and he mused to himself that this journey was going to be unlike any other. For what better place to learn life’s lessons than in the company of strangers and friends.


	2. Part 2 or Hobbits and water do not mix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the dwarves learn more about their new companion.

An Unexpected Lesson part 2

A few days had passed since Bilbo’s outburst and he had settled into his place in the company. Thorin still sent him cold disapproving looks but the hobbit just tried to grin and bear it. He would gather firewood and help Bombur make dinner but he was still not trusted to stand watch alone. Bilbo also had the task of fetching water when a ready supply was available. As they stopped for their afternoon break much to chagrin of the company’s leader Bilbo found his way down to a small stream with several water skins and a bucket. He padded softly crunching the creeping jenny that clustered around the edge of the water under his toes smiling to himself and humming a little tune. He dipped the water skins one by one making sure they were as full as possible. Then he dunked the bucket into the clear spring making his reflection wiggle in the water. He looked down, hardly believing the dirty face that stared back. His curls were an unruly mess and his clothing was rumpled and starting to show wear.   
“Oh dear, Bilbo…” He mused out loud. “Just look at yourself, you are a right mess indeed!” He grabbed a handful of water in his cupped hands and splashed his face trying to rub some of the grime off. Hard foot falls were all the warning he had before the water rushed up and over his head. Laughing was the only thing Bilbo heard as he splashed and spluttered, waving his arms frantically. On the shore, the two youngest pair of dwarven brothers laughed and joked until they noticed the distress their burglar was in. They hopped into the water and hauled a wriggling and coughing hobbit back to the safety of dry land.

“Oh Mr. Boggins!” Kili exclaimed, “We would never have pushed you in if we didn’t-”

“-know that you couldn’t swim!” Fili said apologetically. He patted poor Bilbo’s back as more water seemed to fly from the smaller man’s body. Bilbo lay on the wet grass. Tired and with lungs burning he cast a furious glare at the two dwarves who visibly shrank in front of him. When he finally regained his composure Bilbo stood, on slightly shaky legs, and tried to walk back to camp with what little dignity he could muster. The now deflated dwarves followed behind carrying the skins and bucket in shame.   
“What’s the matter, Halfling, couldn’t even manage to get water without getting soaking wet?” Thorin admonished. The brooding prince then saw the sheepish look on his nephew’s faces and instantly put two and two together. A few other members of the company had stopped and noticed poor Bilbo’s soggy state and then Fili and Kili’s twin looks of embarrassment.

“We didn’t mean to really-“

“We didn’t realize that Bilbo can’t swim-“

“And we pulled him out right away-”

“So there was no real harm done! “ The boys shifted nervously back and forth finishing their explanation with a downcast look. Thorin who had tried to remain calm during their little speech now let his anger boil to the surface. He stalked to the young dwarves and grabbed each one by the ear, like a mother with her fauntling Bilbo mused. The hobbit was brought out from this quaint simile when towards him the Durin line came. 

“Really, it was a harmless mistake and I am quite alright!” Bilbo sputtered as three sets of heavy boots came to a halt in front of him.

“It was not alright to push you in the first place, whether you could swim or not, and since you cannot swim it was even more reckless!!!” Shouted the- would-be-King. He was scolding Bilbo as much as the boys and while the young dwarves might have made a poor decision he did not deserve to be talked to in such a manner! “Apologize to him, now.” Though his voice had calmed the deep baritone of Thorin still made his nephews cringe. They bowed their heads and said their peace and were quickly released much to their relief. “And you…”Thorin said rounding on the unsuspecting Burglar “I’ve never met anyone in my life who could not handle themselves around a bit of water. Just how useless are you?”

At that Bilbo flushed red, partly from anger and partly from shame. Everyone even the wizard was looking to see what reaction would come from the small man would was not only soaking wet, but now looked as if he was about to burst into tears. Bilbo met those cold eyes with his own warm brown ones and for a slight second the King under the Mountain looked apprehensive. Bilbo then gathered his courage and spoke in a voice small but determined. 

“Hobbits, since you didn’t know, do not swim. We do not care for water that goes above our heads and seeing as how our largest river the Brandywine isn’t that substantial we have never had cause to learn. I am not useless, Master Oakenshield, and I would ask you to restrict your comments about me to things you actually know!” Bilbo then turned with a slight huff and more than a little flourish and stamped his way back across camp, away from the Company to sit in the remaining sunlight to dry off. Thorin stood a bit shocked then remembering himself to be in front of family and subjects returned his regal bearing before stalking off himself to confer quietly with Dwalin. The rest of their group seemed to begin milling about preparing for lunch and none would disturb the hobbit from his solitude.

Gandalf who sat comfortably smoking his pipe surveyed the remaining dwarves with a wary eye. Ori, the youngest and most curious of the group, wandered over to where the grey wizard sat and waited to be acknowledged. “Yes, Master Ori?” Gandalf inquired. 

“I was just curious, do-do hobbits really not know how to swim?” He asked wide eyed. Although Ori was the one who asked the others all seemed quite curious as well, for they listened closely waiting for a reply.

“No, they do not. As Master Baggins quite explained, they have never needed to. Hobbits are generally not fond of any large bodies of water and more than a few cannot abide even being near them. I would think that especially Bilbo might have cause for concern.” The old man blew a few lovely smoke butterflies into the air. All around him inquisitive eyes waited, even perhaps the eyes of their King, though no one but the wizard had really noticed.

“Why would that be? More concern than others?” Asked Balin, who was sitting on a log enjoying his cold cut meat and cheese. 

“Because, when Bilbo was a bit younger, he almost drowned.” The wizard stated rather matter of factly. “One of the fauntlings, his niece I believe, had been playing too close to the Brandywine River and fell in. Without a second thought Bilbo went in after her. He managed to get her out but not without some great difficulty and pain.” Gandalf pointedly looked around toward the direction he knew the hobbit was seated. The warm afternoon sun beat down on his small form in the distance. “He had no regard for his personal safety and acted as keenly and as bravely as anyone in this company.” As he finished speaking his words grew slightly louder, seeking the ears of the dwarven King and his councilor. He stood, collected some lunch for himself and Bilbo then walked out into the waves of long grass that swayed in silence. The wizard sat comfortably next to Bilbo and offered him some much needed lunch.

Unaware of the stares he was receiving from thirteen prying eyes Bilbo contentedly ate his small lunch and joined his old friend in another bowl of smoke. Back in camp murmurs in Kuzdul were making the rounds, such as ‘what a brave fellow’ or ‘might be more to our burglar then we thought’. Thorin who again was perplexed by this simple creature’s brave attitude and spirit let his eyes linger just a bit longer on the small form. His eyes were ever searching for the truth in this strange little man with furry feet and a fear of water. Perhaps, begrudgingly, he had been a bit harsh on Bilbo. He resolved to try and make amends over the next few days, if all stayed quiet. But, to the King under the Mountain, that was quite a large sized “if”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would like some suggestions to keep going! Will mostly likely end up with Bagginshield!


	3. An Unexpected Evening or Hobbits sing dirty songs!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo yet again surprises the company by singing at Elrond's table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY another chapter. There will be more, especially song ones, cause i happen to know and sing all of these songs!   
> yay for Renaissance festivals!

An Unexpected Evening 

After all the close calls they had Bilbo was happy to be safe in Rivendell even if only for a short while. The Company grumbled their protests about being led to the realm of the Elves under false pretenses. Gandalf pretended not to hear their grumbling as they walked down the winding pathways toward a large, ornately carved gate. Bilbo couldn’t contain his joyful smile as they crossed between two statues that felt so alive they might turn and bow to the little hobbit. “Look at that!” he gasped, at the soft sounds of a great waterfall to their left. Thorin grumbled under his breath about the hobbit being so impressed with the tree huggers but Bilbo never even noticed. 

After a short standoff with a group of Elven riders, in which tense minuets seemed to pass a slow as hours, Bilbo pushed between the tight circle of dwarves. He introduced himself to Lord Elrond with a curt bow and perfect Elvish. The entire company stared in disbelief and some in anger as their hobbit, a member of their own company, acted so openly friendly with a race of people who had caused them so much pain. Lord Elrond smiled fondly at the hobbit’s greeting and he slowly knelt on the stone floor to greet his guest face to face. He put a slender hand on Bilbo’s shoulder and leaned in close. The closer he got to the shireling’s face the more the dwarves tensed, especially their leader. What is he going to do, kiss him? Thorin thought ruefully, but as the Elf Lord drew closer and closer that started to look like a possibility. Why wasn’t Bilbo stopping him? Just as it looked like their lips should touch, both parties rubbed their noses together in an affectionate manner and pulled back. The entire company let out one giant breath that they didn’t realize they were holding. 

“Th-thank you, it is nice to be greeted so, uhhh, traditionally!” Bilbo stammered, now more than a bit red in the face. 

“You are most welcome, Bilbo Baggins of the Shire. Now, would you and your company care for some dinner?” Without another glance backward Elrond turned and began climbing a long flight of winding stairs. 

“Ah, most excellent!” Gandalf agreed and also began towards the stairs followed by a reluctant Bilbo. Eventually the company of dwarves decided, well their stomachs did, that they could at least eat the Elves out of house and home! The dinner was well, not what they were expecting. Ori refused to eat any of the leafy green food on the table no matter how much Dori tried. Bomber enjoyed the buns and the company enjoyed seeing who could throw theirs the farthest. The music was also not exactly to their taste, Nori complained to the nearest musician to change the tune to something more lively. That is when Bofur decided to regale the group with a lively song and dance, which occurred much to the elves’ dismay on the table! The group settled a bit after that but soon they called again for another song, and another. They drank and ate and sang long into the setting of the sun. The later it became the dirtier the songs got and everyone laughed red in the face even their King allowed himself small chuckles here and there.   
“Oi! Bilbo, sing us a song lad!” Bofur called.

“I bet he doesn’t know anything but proper Hobbit songs!” Fili called down the long table. Finally fed up with the young heir’s jokes about his properness Bilbo decided that he could indeed sing a song that would make these dwarves sit up and take notice! Steeling himself he planted his large furry feet on the table and cleared his throat.

All eyes were on him, as he began to sing:  
“I tried it once or twice, I found it rather nice…Roll me over lay me down and do it again. Roll me over in the clover, Roll me over, Lay me down, and do it again…There sits number one”  
He pointed at Bofur who blushed immediately “He looks like lots of fun! Roll me over lay me down and do it again! Roll me over in the clover, roll me over, lay me down and do it again! There sits number two!” all eyes followed Bilbo’s finger to Dwalin. The large warrior sat stock still in his chair. “He’s why I’m black and blue!” Bilbo sang playfully rubbing his backside.   
Whoots and hollers rang out across the table. “Roll me over lay me down and do it again! Roll me over in the clover, roll me over lay me down and do it again. There sits number three” This time is was Kili, “He had me on my knees! Roll me over lay me down and do it again!” Every dwarf was now laughing and slapping the table at the hobbits song. “There stands number four!”   
Bilbo picked out Nori and at least he had the guts to look at Bilbo in the face. “He had me on the floor! Roll me over lay me down and do it again! Roll me over in the clover, roll me over lay me down and do it again.” Bilbo looked for his next victim and decided it was Fili’s turn. “There sits number five!” Bilbo sang as he walked down the table to stop in front of the oldest heir. “Between my thighs he dived!”  
The color and of Fili’s face reminded Bilbo of his gaffer’s prize winning tomatoes and satisfied with his revenge he winked over his shoulder at Fili whose mouth was hanging open. “Roll me over lay me down and do it again! Roll me over in the clover, roll me over lay me down and do it again!” Bilbo spotted his next target as he strolled back up the table. “There sits number six!”   
He pointed to Bifir, the toy maker blushed and looked across the table to his cousin trying to avoid the Halfling. “He’s so wide sometimes it sticks!” Bilbo looked behind him to the rest of the group to witness them roaring with laughter at the thought! “Roll me over in the clover, Roll me over lay me down and do it again! There sits number seven!”  
He turned to look down at a rather unwilling Dori. Leaning over like he was whispering to those closest to him. “Did you hear that he’s eleven?” Bilbo mimed with his how long eleven inches is and grinned lasciviously.  
“Roll me over in the clover, roll me over lay me down and do it again. There is number eight,” Pointing to Ori now who was trying to slip down in his chair. “And, oh, he tasted great!” The Hobbit made a show of licking his lips. Dori did not seem amused next to his youngest brother. “Roll me over in the clover, Roll me over lay me down and do it again! There sits number nine” He called to the end where Thorin was sitting at the head of the table. His face was as solid as stone and he watched Bilbo, showing nothing of the nervous tension he felt beneath. “He took me from behind!”   
If the King felt anything he didn’t show it outwardly but his nephews cat called and whistled all the same. “Roll me over in the clover, Roll me over lay me down and do it again. There sits number ten…”Bilbo smiled over to Bomber. The chef was red in the face from laughing and was wiping tears from the corners of his eyes. “Now I like dwarves instead of men! Roll me over in the clover, roll me over lay me down and do it again. There sits number eleven…”The hobbit was now standing in front of Balin. “And he’s even bigger than seven” Bilbo pointed down to Dori again, who was number seven in the song.

“Roll me over in the Clover, Roll me over lay me down and do it again. There sits number twelve,” Bilbo stopped between Oin and Gloin and he stepped off the table and between the brothers. He balanced on the arm of one of the chairs and continued to sing. “Deeper than others he delved! Roll me over in the clover, Roll me over lay me down and do it again, Here sits final thirteen,” He touched Oin and shoulder, “He’s gentler than he seems! Roll me over in the clover, Roll me over, Lay me down…and do it again!!!!!” He finished in a flourished and bowed to thunderous applause. 

The entire company cheered and patted him on the back. Even Thorin allowed him a small smile; he was finally starting to fit in at meal times at least. Who knows perhaps there was more to their gentle hobbit than they first thought?

As the night closed in they decided to make good use of the whole wing that Elrond had allowed them to use. They fought over who would room where and with whom. Bilbo got an entire room to himself and he happily sat in an overly large arm chair by a warm fire. He really could stay in a place like this he pondered, but he had promised Thorin and Gandalf that he would help. He even signed a contract! Bilbo was grateful that after his song the whole company seemed more open and welcoming. Well then, if it was dirty songs that were going to get him included, then dirty songs he would sing!


	4. A Slightly Expected Afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo sings another song, but whats this elf doing in this chapter?

Part 4:

The next day saw the company enjoying a leisurely day in Elrond’s house. The sat comfortably after lunch sprawled out on one of the many terraces that hung over the valley talking in an amiable fashion. Bilbo had found the library after a small bit of assistance and picked out a large volume on wild plants and their many uses. He thought it might be a good idea to be on the lookout for anything to aid them on their travel to the Lonely Mountain. As he sat enjoying the mid-day sunshine and reading he missed the fact that a few dwarves had pulled out their instruments and had started playing a lovely light tune. He hummed along, realizing that he knew words to this particular melody. Puzzled he spied Bofur with his flute sitting not too far away and he called, “Do you know the words to this song?”

“No, lad, can’t say I do. Why” The dwarf questioned, eying Bilbo’s giggling face. “What’s the matter with this tune?”

“Oh nothing” Bilbo giggled again barely containing his smile. “It’s just, in the Shire, we have a tune just like this, but it’s uhh…quite a bawdy song.” He sat the heavy book down making sure to mark the page on wild smoke-able weeds before padding his way in and around the others. He plopped down and as Bofur began the song again the Halfling hummed along making sure it was the same tune all the way through. Nodding his head he said, “Yep. It is exactly the same!”

“Well lad, would sing it for us then?” Bofur said in a much louder than necessary voice. Everyone else within earshot stopped their chatting and began gathering around.  
“Oh yes! Sing us another one!” Kili cried settling in beside his brother. Soon all eyes were trained on him and Bilbo remembered the night before and how much they liked his first song. Emboldened he stood and motioned for Bofur to begin his song again. This time Bilbo added his voice and began singing.

“Oh my, how happy am I, how I love my lover dear…  
My lover’s a sheriff, a sheriff, a sheriff my lover’s a sheriff is he!  
All day he cuffs thieves, he cuffs thieves, he cuffs thieves and at night he comes home and cuffs me!  
Oh my how happy am I, how I love my lover dear.” Bilbo winked at Nori, having heard the whispers about his real profession. He turned and caught sight of Ori then, deciding on another verse.

“My lover’s a scribe, a scribe, a scribe my lover’s a scribe is he!  
All day he fingers pages, fingers pages, fingers pages and at night he comes home and fingers me!  
Oh my, how happy am I, how I love my lover dear!” Ori’s face was burning and his ears looked like they would start steaming soon. Speaking of steaming, Bilbo thought, Dori looked positively murderous.

“My lover’s a baker, a baker, a baker my lover’s a baker is he!  
All day he eats pastry, eats pastry, eats pastry and at night he comes home and eats me!” Bombur actually stopped chewing on his lunch and secretly Bilbo counted that as the only time he has seen the rotund dwarf actually stop eating because of pure shock.  
“My lover’s a smith, a smith, a smith my lover’s a smith is he!  
All day he melts iron, melts iron, melts iron and at night he comes home and melts with me!  
Oh my, how happy am I, how I love my lover dear!” If anyone noticed Bofur’s tune falter slightly they did not say anything.

“My lover’s a king, a king, a king; My lover is a King is he!  
All day he rides horses, rides horses, rides horses and at night he comes home and rides me!

Oh my how happy am I, how I love my lover dear!” Bilbo finished his song with a flourish and bowed to much applause and whistling. Just as the group seemed to regain some control one of the young Elven guards came peering around the corner. Instantly the laughter died down and everyone except the hobbit found themselves preoccupied with anything to keep the Elf out of their business. 

“Oh, Hello Amaer. Is everything alright?” Bilbo questioned stepping a bit closer. The lean dark haired guard knelt down to face his smaller friend.

“Yes, Master Baggins. I was hoping I could walk you to this library this evening.” Amaer smiled sweetly and inclined his head to the side when Thorin coughed quite loudly. Not understanding the subtle confrontation that was happening between the dwarf king and the Elf who was still patiently waiting for Bilbo’s answer he shrugged it off as nothing. 

Turning back he said, “How delightful! That book is very heavy, and you can help me find something else to read. I could get lost wandering around…” Bilbo practically squealed with glee as he skipped over to his abandoned book. He hefted the large tome up and clutched it to his chest, shuffling past the dwarves.

“Oh, please, allow me to carry that for you Master Baggins.” The Elf bent down and took the book from the shireling and they continued to talk softly as they left the terrace. Thorin bubbled with anger as he watched the pair retreating into the house. He did not like that pointy eared bastard openly flirting with a member of his company even if that member wasn’t exactly what he was expecting in a burglar, or in a simple hobbit. But what could he do?


	5. Chapter 5

Once again the company of Thorin Oakenshield found themselves on the road, trudging quietly through the low brush of the plain lands. After everything they have been through in the last few days each and every member was tired and sore in every place imaginable. The goblin tunnels were a mess and then the warg attack left them physically and emotionally exhausted. Thorin most of all was suffering in silence, as the leader he felt he needed to set the best example. His thoughts were just as chewed up as his ribs. They jumbled around in his head and most of them involved their burglar, his burglar. 

His mind wandered to the moment when Bilbo's body scrambled to shield him from the Great White Warg and its deathly pale rider. His mind clouded with pain could barely comprehend how the timid and homely creature could be standing up to one of Middle Earth's most terrible beings. 'and for my sake!' Thorin thought, 'he rallied my subjects and friends to my side when I needed them most!' His heart beat faster in his chest and he was never more grateful for the feeling. "Mahal's hammer", that is how he described a heart beat to a young Fili and Kili when they had asked. 'A strong pounding in their chests, something that dwarves should always be proud of....' He recalled saying. Now that heart which he thought long to be cold beat for a hobbit. Turning to look behind him in line he saw the weary looks of his friends and family and reasoned that they could stop for the night soon.

"We will camp here for the night!" Thorin ground out as he tried sitting in the most dignified manner possible. It could be defined as less than graceful but no one would dare say so.

Bilbo had begun to pick up firewood for what would surely be a small fire this evening. Even so he was grateful they were all still here to sit beside it together. He hummed softly to himself a tune that had been stuck in his mind. Surely it would make a great song if he could just put some words to it. Bilbo let his mind drift whilst picking up suitable sticks, it was really the only part of setting up camp that he had been good at. He couldn't believe he had stood up to The Defiler like that! Surely no one in Hobbiton would believe him, or ever invite him to tea again! But just the thought of the dwarven king in danger made something icy form in his stomach. He didn't enjoy that odd and cold feeling at all and so he had acted in the only way he knew how. He now had picked so many branches his small arms struggled to reach around the bundle. The stretch of it reminded him of the strong arms that embraced him only hours ago. 'oh!' Bilbo blushed in the dim light. 'Could it be?' Bilbo wandered back to camp after dividing his large haul of twigs into neat piles at the edge of the trees, lost in thoughts of his feelings for their dark haired leader. 

"That's a lovely little tune, Bilbo!" Bofur said sitting down next to said hobbit. Bilbo, caught unaware, realized he must have been humming this new song out loud. 

"Oh, thank you, it won't seem to leave me alone." He answered. A few of the others nodded their agreement that it was indeed a nice beginning to a song. 

"Right lovely, it would be, too. Needs some words though..." Bofur offered to the open air. There was no time to reply as a steaming bowl of stew was shoved under everyone's faces shortly after. They all seemed to sense the weariness around camp and how close they had been to their journey being over. Failure loomed like a large shadow over them, taunting them all with their greatest fears and weaknesses. Bilbo sighed into his now empty bowl and as he did so there was a rustling of clothes and flesh to his right. A cough followed by a deep but pained voice.

"*Cough*, May I?" Suddenly and before an answer could be given Thorin was seating himself on the hard ground next to Bilbo. 

"Uhh, sure thing." Bilbo attempted to reply. He scooted to left trying to give the king some room to himself, knowing how much Thorin liked his space. The next thing poor Bilbo knew he saw a small crude harp come into view. Fili, Kili, and even Ori moved in closer to inspect the odd scene unfolding in the middle of their small camp. Bofur just smiled a sweet smile from under his hat and sighed a wistful sigh as he rifled through his pockets for his penny whistle. 

"Could you, hum that again?" Thorin asked. His deep tones shook through Bilbo's body. Bilbo began the melody once again and quickly the strings of the small harp took up the job. It repeated the song in sweet high notes, and Bilbo found himself mesmerized by the haunting tone Thorin's harp created. Bofur even added in small bits that twisted into different chords. They all sat playing slowly, thoughtfully for a few minuets. Even the older dwarves began listening and swaying their heads back and forth in the cool night air. 

Then when it seemed that Thorin and Bofur were done with their impromptu duet Bilbo began to sing in a high and clear voice:

"Just, wait...though wide he may roam, always a hero comes home. He goes where no one has gone, but always a hero comes home. He knows of places unknown, always a hero comes home. He goes where no one has gone, but always a hero comes home...." Slowly the music fades and Bilbo opens his eyes, though he does not remember closing them. All eyes train on him and there is a reverent silence cast upon the entire camp. Even the crack and pop of the fire seems somehow muted. Beside him Bilbo finds Thorin, sitting with his hands clenched on the small frame of the harp and worries that he has upset his new found friend with another unintentional slight. 

"Bilbo, that was....a good song." The small compliment strains Thorin's throat. He is not used to giving praise easily, especially to someone he once found useless. In truth that simple song has struck a chord so deep in his heart he is close to tears. He feels a well spring of emotion bubble up inside him and it takes all of his willpower not to grab Bilbo and kiss him then and there. A few tense moments pass between them, like a warm breeze, and it has both hearts stirring. Neither knows how to break the spell of it, and instead Bofur chimes in, well timed as always in these awkward situations.

"Aye, lovely indeed, like an old lullaby that has me ready for some sleep!" Bofur then makes a show of stretching and encourages some others to do the same with a nod and wink. With that Bofur unceremoniously nudges Bilbo to move so he can roll out his bed mat and get some shut eye. There are choruses of "Oh Aye, Indeed!" and "Yeah, I am worn out!" all over camp. Silently Thorin returns to his edge of the camp to sleep sitting up against a large stone. If anyone noticed Bilbo watching their leader's retreating back they pretended not to. As for the hobbit himself, he curled up tightly by the fire and nodded off in a few moments. Visions of stormy blue eyes and inky locks of hair invade Bilbo's once peaceful dreams. 

Later that evening while everyone slept soundly in their bedrolls a would be king sat staring at the stars. He wondered many things, he wondered if his feelings were to be trusted,   
he wondered if the unthinkable was possible, but mostly he wondered if heroes really do come home after all.


	6. Trouble in Paradise *teaser*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After escaping death (again) or company finds itself resting in the home of Beorn. Bilbo and Thorin get a little closer than farther apart. Teaser part one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I havent been on the writing kick for awhile. Thanks to everyone for comments, kudos, and sticking with me!  
> Hugs to you all!

Rain began to drizzle in the evening air as Gandalf looked steeply over a hill to a light flickering in the clearing below. Smoke curled from the large chimney and the wizard wearily began the task of explaining where their company would be staying. The faster he could get the dwarves to agree the faster he could relax in front of the fire, drying his robes as he smoked. As it turned out, getting them to agree wasn't nearly as hard as he imagined, it seemed that over their journey they had learned to listen when the old man told them something. The lure of a warm fire and good food was enough to turn them all and soon everyone had made their way through the large gate and into the cozy cabin. They found a feast waiting for them along with a note of welcome and warning. It read for them not to go out after dark and to help themselves to whatever food and drink they could find. The dwarves and hobbit wasted no time in digging into the waiting food, tearing large hunks of bread that were tossed unceremoniously down the table. Drinks flowed and conversation followed, as it always did with dwarves. 

Thorin found his eyes unnaturally drawn to where the hobbit was seated between Bofur and Nori. Everytime he would pull his gaze away from those golden curls he would find a few moments later his eyes were drawn back. He shook himself and tried to focus on his meal, but it is always strange what thoughts surface unwillingly. 'Stop looking at him, just stop. It is only because he saved your life, risked it despite his timid nature.' Yet the more he thought on the matter the more the king argued with himself....'you were jealous of that elf in The Last Homely House. He was too close, too friendly...Bilbo belongs with me.' Thorin shook his head, trying to clear his mind of a suddenly possesive wave rolled over him. It was like nothing he had ever felt before. He needed to speak with the little hobbit, to search out his feelings, something he has never had to do before. Thorin has alaways been assured of himself, of his great tasks in life, and of those he loved. 'Why then? Why the hobbit...' He would understand these feelings,and discover if Bilbo felt the same. Time was not on his side and he knew he needed to discover what he wanted before they reclaimed his homeland. Thorin sighed pushing his food away for now. His head he decided was too full for his stomach to feel empty. 

TBC....


	7. Trouble in Paradise -Full

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally getting back to writing, mostly out of boredem....or something like it. I kinda forgot where I wanted this chapter to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh, please bear with me.

Bilbo was sure Thorin was staring at him. He thought he was being paranoid, but no, the Hobbit mused he was being watched. Bilbo tried to consentrate on enjoying his bread and honey which was thick and golden like the summer heat of the Shire. It was oddly comforting in a house that was overly large, not just for him but for everyone in their company. Bilbo felt for lack of a better term out of his depth, with the house and with the leader of their rag tag group.

He was determinedly not looking at the dwarf who, if he was truly honest with himself, had become a source of rapid heartbeats undignified blushes and rather embarrassing erotic dreams. There was something about Thorin that made Bilbo's breath catch in his throat. Bilbo continued to munch enjoying his chance to stuff his face with warm cheeses and breads full of raisins and crisp apple ale. 

Thorin caught himself starting to turn his head towards the other end of the table, to where Bilbo sat licking the corner of his mouth. His deep blue eyes found Bilbo's that time as they both searched the room for one another. Tenion built as they both held their gaze, neither one wanting to break away first, and it was as if some unspoken message had passed between them. In an instant both felt a heat rising, both nodded slightly indicating their acknoledgement and in a show of remarkable cheek, Bilbo again licked the corner of his mouth. 

The Hobbit is trying to kill me, Thorin thought, gripping the side of the table. 

"Are you in pain, Thorin?" Dwalin asked, oblivious to the silent conversation happening across the long table. The second in commands voice was low, so low that Thorin almost missed his question. Dwalin was loud and brash but knew how to protect his king and understood that Thorin rarely liked to voice his pain. This trait was born out of being groomed to be a leader, a king, and out of years of his friend having to put the wellfare of his people before himself. 

"No, but there is something I would ask you to do for me." He rumbles.  
***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Dwalin had been reluctant to say the least about Thorin's request. As any good guard would Dwalin did not like the idea of Thorin alone, injured, and in a strangers house. However, he did as he was asked and told the Hobbit that Thorin wanted to speak with him alone. Bilbo's pulse quickened, he could read between the lines, and finally after a long bout of dancing around one another Bilbo was finally sure that he and the dwarf king were going to make some progress. In Hobbiton confirmed bachelors were few and far between. Bilbo was no blushing virgin though, and he knew what he felt. He knew that underneath Thorin's cool reserve ran a river of passion and Bilbo felt desparate for a drink. His large furry feet stopped in front of Thorin's door. Naturally as the head of their group and still recovering from his wounds he got a room to himself. Bilbo knocked and swallowed at the same time.

"Come." came the gruff voice from behind the door. Thorin sat in a chair that was way to big for him, enjoying the warmth from the fireplace. He had laid his outer clothes over some other chairs in his room, hoping they would dry faster. The dwarf king felt a flutter in his stomach when he heard a small knock, his eyes glued to the figure that fidgeted in the doorway. The fire cast a soft glow around the room and it made the copper in Bilbo's curls shine. Thorin felt that odd, posessive wave wash over him again. His fingers itched to touch that hair, to wind it into complex shapes, and Thorin realised like a jolt that he wanted to court this soft round Hobbit. It was someting he had never felt before. Like a hook plunged into his thick chest, pulling him up and out of his chair and toward the door. 

Then without a single word passed between them both Thorin and Bilbo met in a desparate clash of mouths and breath. The door was uncermoniously slammed shut and Thorin found his back pressed into the wood. Lips met warm lips as Bilbo and Thorin kissed. Both felt a sudden rush of arousal as the Hobbit pulled away and looked Thorin up and down, eyes roaming hungrily over the other's frame. Thorin felt like a sweet cake about to be devoured. Being a King and responsible for so many he had never had the chance to enjoy courting or even pleasures of the flesh. He felt extremely out of his depth and flushed a bit in embarassment. Thorin had no time to dwell on it as Bilbo pulled him from the door and shoved him onto the makeshift bed. Bilbo pounced on their leader like a cat and kissed him again. He was enjoying his time atop this firm hot body. It had been too long since his last tumble. 

Determined to make the most of their time Bilbo started to kiss his way down Thorin's chest. The dwarf was trying to voice his apprehension but had little breath to do it. Hot open mouthed kisses were winding their way down his front headed lower and lower. His voice was even more deep than usual. 

"Wh--Wait." He choaked out. Bilbo's head popped up from the waist he was currently trying to devour.

"What is it?" He asked his golden curls splayed out in every direction. Bilbo was greatly perturbed at being sidetracked in his mission to get the dwarf beneath him naked and writhing. "Would you care to top then? I don't mind, not in the least, only it has been so long, and not knowning if this should ever pass between us again I thought-"

"What!?!" Thorin roared sitting up so fast that he practically threw the hobbit off of him. "Top? No, I....ever pass between us again..." Bilbo looked up to see clear rage and another unrecognizable emotion etched across the noble brow of his bedmate. "Master Baggins, I was....am prepared to begin our courting...however I-"

"What? Courting?" Bilbo shrieked! In Hobbit terms courting was serious business usually leading to marriage and from what he had seen of the dwarves he assumed it must be so with them. They never seemed to do anything by half. Bilbo had lusted after some of the members of the company but he had never considered courting. 

"Yes, courting...otherwise what were we doing?" Thorin asked in all seriousness. Bilbo just stared, suddenly acutely aware that they both had been operating under different assumptions about their meeting. Both sat back, the moment lost, and regarded one another. Clearly there has been some sort of miscomunication, but how to resolve it so that both men left with the same level dignity they arrived with? Neither knew what to do.....

 

TBC.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little thought that wouldn't leave my head. Might start a series....
> 
> Update: my computer lost my new chapters, so *sigh* I must start again!


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